Singing Loudly: When is there attraction

Singing Loudly

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

When is there attraction

I've been having a conversation with one of my friends about what it is that attracts me to someone. It usually has very little to do with what people define as hot. I'm drawn to certain features like a nice smile, hair, and maybe the style of dress, but I've never been worried about how attractive someone is.

I don't care about having a trophy around my arm to show off to people I don't know. It makes more sense to have someone who is amusing and intelligent.

I don't want someone who cares more about looking great than they care about what happened in Asia this past weekend. It makes more sense to have someone who realizes that the world around us doesn't care if we look a fraction better.

It's always struck me as odd that some people care so much about finding someone who is more attractive than the last person they dated to show off to their ex. That's just bullshit to me.

Maybe I'm not one to talk though because my interests are just different. Maybe to get back at my ex-girlfriend, Heidi, I try to find an actress who is more accomplished than she. Maybe to get back at her I try to find someone who is more intelligent than she. I don't do that consciously, but I don't think I'd contest it if one of my friends called me on it.

Last night I went and met a girl who my parents wanted me to go on a date with. When I met her she didn't strike me as someone who I would actively pursue if I randomly saw her, but she was cute. We met at a Barnes and Noble with a little coffee shop island.

What can be better than meeting a girl at a coffee shop in a bookstore? Girl. Books. Coffee! It's like the trifecta of goodness.

We met at 6:30 and ended up talking until 9:30. I doubt anything serious will come of it because we're both doing our own things in life right now, but I enjoyed the conversation. She's intelligent, friendly, and cute. The fun thing was that as the hours went on she became more attractive to me, because I was interested in what she was saying.

This is why I'm glad that I'm not worried about dating people who only care about their looks and want to be the most attractive person in the world. That's just never appealed to me, so I rarely even notice those types of people. With me, it usually starts with some sort of physical attraction and then I begin to like the girl more and more based on other aspects like sense of humor, intelligence, artistic capacity, and political leanings. I have found that some of my most enjoyable relationships have been with people who I wasn't immediately struck with physically but came to love and adore later.

I am, however, curious what attracts other people to someone? It usually starts with some sort of physical attraction, right? It's fascinating to me that there are a few people that most people will find to be attractive but then there is a whole mess of us who are attractive to some people and not attractive to others.


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