Singing Loudly: Star Gazing

Singing Loudly

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Star Gazing

The summer before law school I worked for my Uncle at his dental office. My job had nothing to do with teeth cleaning, but was just to convert his office into a computerized office. It was during this summer that I really became good friends with both my aunt and uncle.

After that summer, I started law school and would continue to talk to my aunt on the phone a few times a week. We just became best friends and extremely close. She was more proud than almost everyone about my graduation from undergraduate and going to law school. On the days that I was upset about a legal writing assignment, my aunt would be there to listen and interject with the proper retaliatory statements. When I was upset with something that happened with Heidi my aunt would give me advice that I should have followed.

Today I opened one of my graduation cards and read the normal "we're proud of you; you have really accomplished a great thing; etc. Then the last paragraph said:

If you have a chance tonight, look up at the stars. If you see one that is particularly bright, it will be Kris -- beaming with pride and joy and love

This evening I spent a little while on my balcony as I looked off into the sky and thought about how far I have come. In the Spring of my 1st year I received a call from my mom early in the morning before I was going to start studying for my finals. My mom said that she had really bad news and let me know that my aunt unexpectedly died during the night. One day I was speaking to her about coming home for a few weeks over the summer and the next minute she was gone.

I miss her more than anything, but I can't help to think that the summer I spent with her was a gift from God. I wouldn't have worked there and spent so much time in Wichita, Kansas if my mom and stepdad had not been transferred to California for the summer to work on the Air-Born Laser project at an air force base in CA. Because of the transfer, my mom asked me to spend the summer in Wichita so that I could watch the house until they returned. I was pretty much alone in the house, so I really got to know my aunt and uncle better than I ever knew them before.

That relationship was a blessing that couldn't have come at a more appropriate time considering the tragic loss my family suffered.

My grandmother still weeps when she thinks about my aunt and how proud she would be when there are triumphs in the family. While I am good at hiding the same emotions in public it's impossible to do that in private. I guess that only my cat knows my sorrow when I think about how nice it would be to have my aunt here today and tomorrow.


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