Singing Loudly

Once school starts up again I will have zero free time.

When I'm swamped it's difficult to find the time to get things started like: writing plays, learning new languages, reading novels, cooking, or (gasp) the beginning stages of relationships.

Looking over this limited list I think that most of these things are enjoyable. Ok, maybe the cooking part isn't so enjoyable. Don't argue: you haven't tried the results when it comes from my kitchen. Don't argue.

With the Grim Reaper emerging from the shadows, I decided that I should start a few of these things. In the past month I've read a few books, written the bulk of a new play (still weeks of editing remain), scratched the cooking idea from the liste, tried to learn Hungarian for a minute, and found four dates for this past week.

This past week ended up being a sort of marathon elimidate episode. I'm not sure how it worked out this way but I found four girls interested in going on dates, so I foolishly set up dates for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Just meeting a restaurant, going on a walk, and saying goodbye. Nothing major. How could I believe that anything "date" related isn't major? Each night was a different date. Not so much fun.

My vision was that one or two of these dates would produce a second date. Then I'd be able to find the perfect person to spend my little free time with once school is back in session. Wrong. Wrong. Oh how wrong I was.

This has nothing to do with any of the dates; I'm just not feeling it. I was reminded that I really don't like dating and I'm going to follow Nancy Reagan's advice and just say no. The parts of dating I like aren't enough to persuade me to use this dangerous drug any longer.

In my experience dating is nothing if not a rehearsed mess. It is also expensive. Finally, the hit or miss nature of dating makes it both ineffective and frustrating. Whereas relationships can develop in more haphazard ways, which I prefer to this.

Maybe it's just me, but I have "date" stories that I tell when I'm out on initial dates. They are like little monologues that I've perfected over the past seven years. Funny family story? You betcha! Self-deprecating story from college? Oh, yeah. A boss that drove me crazy and what I did to get back at them? Bingo! All of them are formed in such a way that the date will laugh and learn a lot more about me, what I find important, and know that I'm a sweet guy. They aren't fake stories but they are crafted. As I was telling them I remembered how disgusting this whole thing is. I'm not an actor trying out for a part. I'm Curtis and that's it.

Going out to eat and getting a couple drinks is expensive. Not just with the actual money but with the time. Part of me is selfish in that I realize that I'd be having more fun reading by myself or talking with friends than I have on dates. There are a lot of other things I could be doing. Another part of me feels like these dates are about how much money I'm willing to spend. The best relationships I have had don't come from that. It isn't about how I can impress someone with the restaurant I choose or the bottle of wine I will purchase.

This week just made me remember how much I can't do the dating thing. I really can't. I really do think a couple of the girls were fabulous. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to know them more, but I doubt I'll press for a second date. Maybe I just haven't hit that stage of my life yet, but I don't enjoy it. Which is a shame because I do like the discussions, I like the hanging out in parks, and I really can't argue with how fun kissing is. Those negative, unproductive parts of dating outweigh all of this for me.

Dating just seems to hit or miss for me. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but the reasons are often unclear. Why isn't there a second date with this girl but there is with the other. It makes sense that it is hit or miss because you are just meeting these people. You don't really know them before this date except a few brief exchanges. This is not an easy way to start something.

What works for me has always been getting to know someone as a friend. Falling for them because of who they are and seeing that the feelings are reciprocal. That is exciting to me. Then it isn't about impressing this date. Rather, it is about knowing that this person loves me for who I am and won't mind coming to my apartment to laugh at the Dave Chapelle Show. She won't mind when I make dumb puns, because she knows that's just a part of who I am.

Even though I'll go into this school year without the groundwork of a relationship started, I'll be happy. I'm fine with this approach to relationships because I know that at some point there will be someone who connects with me perfectly. Also, when they haven't worked there have been clear reasons why a relationship isn't going to be a good option. While it is disappointing it is understandable. All of my real relationships have ended for reasons that I respect.

That's just something I can't say the same for with dating. With the new school year coming I'll be busy. Hopefully I won't be too busy to keep an eye open for someone who is starting to notice something she likes in me.